Adapted from an online discussion.
Dear Carolyn: In 2022, you published my question about not wanting to disclose my diagnosis to my family. It did not have a genetic component, and you and commenters agreed that it was fine to stay silent, except to make sure to give my husband the benefit of others’ support. I had not considered that and was grateful for that advice.
Well, now I have an even more significant cancer diagnosis, and this one I’ve shared because it requires treatment that won’t be as easily hidden. And, oh, I’m SO glad I have that base of encouraging support for my compassionate husband!
So here’s my new question. A great many people are being beautifully supportive, and I’m tremendously grateful. I really do not want to get calls, texts or emails after my surgery. I want to focus on recovering, not socializing.
A lot of people assume they are the exception to this because Reasons. I’d like suggestions for a gracious and loving way to say “No, REALLY” to some sincerely caring people with whom I really do not want to interact in the first week after my surgery, even though I love them and they are important to me.
I have a CaringBridge page, so the basics will be communicated. I don’t want to look as if I’m blowing off anyone who has been encouraging and supportive. But I imagine a LOT of potential texts being generated, and the idea of that exhausts me already. The surgery is a total mastectomy on the side of my dominant hand, so all typing would involve stimulation to the surgical area. Ideas? (Oh, and erf cancer.)
Diagnosed Again: Yes, erf cancer. I’m sorry.
I bet people would like to hear from you that they are normally on the “You’re an exception!” shortlist — except this time there are no exceptions, given the circumstances. So you’d like X period of time without visits/calls/texts/use of your arm until you’re through the worst of the physical and emotional difficulty of this surgery. And you will welcome them as soon as you feel able, a point at which your husband will notify everyone.
Then don’t give another thought to how all of this looks.
Best wishes for a quick recovery.
· There’s no law saying you have to answer texts, or mail, or your phone, or anything. In fact, when you do start to feel better, it might be fun to start wading through a flood of texts and answering them at your own pace.
Also: Hard to believe anyone expects anyone to respond to texts immediately after surgery. I mean, please tell me no one expects that.
· The only thing that needs to be said (and I say “needs” with hesitation) is: “I appreciate everyone’s love and concern, and I want everyone to know that I’m turning my phone off for at least one week after the surgery — so don’t be alarmed when I don’t respond. The phone is off and in a drawer!”
· “And my husband’s phone number is ______ if you want to schedule a time to drop off your excellent [cookies, enchiladas, etc.] with him. I’ll see you when I’m up to it soon.”
Source link: https://www.washingtonpost.com/advice/2024/04/08/carolyn-hax-cancer-patient-no-contact/