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Adapted from an online discussion.

Dear Carolyn: We will soon be spending about eight days with my husband’s family. I recently got a tattoo on my wrist, which I’ve wanted for years. My father-in-law has said plenty of times how tattoos are tacky, a disgrace and ugly.

I don’t care what he thinks of it. However, he will make several snide comments every chance he gets. I plan to wear long sleeves as much as possible to save myself from his crappy attitude, but what good comeback or comments would you suggest? My husband hasn’t said anything to his dad about it.

Staying in a hotel for the eight days isn’t going to be possible, because I don’t want to spend the money. Plus, my father-in-law lives alone and has a two-bedroom house.

Tattooed: Oh my goodness, don’t hide from him, literally or figuratively, with sleeves or hotels.

Just this: “Thanks! I might get another disgrace on my other wrist.”

Then, the next day or so: “Oh, we’re still talking about this?” Then, thereafter, when you bother to respond at all: “Okey-dokey, Pop.” He can fulminate for all eight days into the giant void that once held your interest in what he has to say.

Now can we talk about your husband in this? Or is he a potted plant?

And those eight days you’re planning to stay? Under high-snark conditions, I’m thinking 48 hours, tops. Some “wasted” money is very, very well spent.

· Ummm, why isn’t your husband standing up for you and telling your father-in-law where to shove it? Has your husband stayed quiet before while you were mistreated? Alarms, alarms.

· My response to my mother’s smartass remarks about my tattoos has been something to the extent of, “Well, it is a good thing nobody is forcing you to get any then!” It took a long time to get there, though.

Dear Carolyn: What do you do with a friend who seems to think you’re always going to split appetizers with them at happy hour? A group of us meets up once a month, has a couple of drinks and orders an appetizer. I don’t like mayonnaise. I’m not allergic to it; I just don’t like it. So that limits what I order. I don’t make a point of saying I don’t like mayo or saying it’s gross or anything like that. I just try to quietly avoid it.

But, invariably, one of my friends will try to insist that I split, say, the crab cakes with her. And when I mention there’s mayonnaise in them, she goes off about how can I not like mayonnaise … wow, I must not eat all kinds of wonderful food then … that’s so weird that you don’t like mayonnaise.

I’m over it. We’re meeting tonight. How do I shut down this conversation before she starts up again?

Split: You tell her to get her mitts off your food, for the love of all that is holy. And stop blaming the mayo. You don’t want to share, so just say you don’t want to share. Not to touch off a Roy Kent love fest, but feel free to growl when you say this. A hiss would also be a nice touch.

And mentally thank your friend for being obtuse enough to force you out of the habit of politely explaining yourself instead of just saying no. Nooooooo. NO. Own what you want. “I don’t want to split an appetizer.” If you need practice, then say it in the shower, say it to the mirror, say it to your pets.

Source link: https://www.washingtonpost.com/advice/2023/05/02/carolyn-hax-in-law-hates-tattoo/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=wp_lifestyle