Jancee Dunn is out this week. I’m Alisha Haridasani Gupta, a reporter on the Well desk, filling in today.

Stop for a moment and picture a celebration. What does it look like in your mind’s eye?

When I was prompted to do this by Priya Parker, author of “The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters,” my mind conjured an image of an overflowing bottle of champagne and clinking flutes. “Alcohol has become a symbol for festivity,” Parker said. From wine at the office party to the requisite bubbly on New Year’s Eve, drinking really can feel inextricably tied to holiday merrymaking.

That’s why saying no can prompt uncomfortable reactions, said Millie Gooch, founder of the Sober Girl Society, a community in Britain that hosts alcohol-free events. When I turn down a drink, for example, I get asked if I’m pregnant, as if that is the only acceptable out for women my age. Saying no can also subject you to increased peer pressure. We’ve all encountered the partygoer who tries the “one drink never hurt anybody” line.

People sometimes react as if “you’re turning down the celebration, not just the alcohol itself,” Gooch said. “It’s like you’re saying ‘No, I don’t want to celebrate Christmas’ — that’s how a lot of people can see it.”

Whether you’re “sober-curious,” recovering from addiction or abstaining for health or religious reasons — or if you simply don’t feel like drinking — the holidays can feel like a minefield, said Pete Vernig, a psychologist and vice president of mental health services at the Recovery Centers of America rehabilitation facilities. But with some planning, a fun, alcohol-free season is doable, he added. “Now’s the time to think about it, as opposed to in a couple of weeks,” Dr. Vernig said.

Here are some ideas for putting a plan in place.

Rehearse your ‘no.’

Practicing what you’re going to say when people offer you a drink is key, Dr. Vernig said.

Gooch suggests saying something vague but decisive about why you’re not drinking, along the lines of, “It just no longer serves me” or “I don’t feel like it today.” Others might feel more comfortable providing a specific reason for abstaining, like having to drive home or anticipating an early wake-up time the next day.

“If you waver, or if you’re a little bit unsure of your response, people will see that as an opportunity to then push you,” she said.

Embrace the phony Negroni.

In recent years, bars and beverage brands have started to offer creative alternatives to booze, including alcohol-free mulled wine, zero-proof margaritas and other mocktails. This means that you can still have something delicious to sip on — and a drink that blends in enough that you won’t need to explain yourself if you don’t want to.

Accept FOMA.

“Contemplating socializing without alcohol, there can be what I call FOMA — fear of missing alcohol,” said Ruby Warrington, author of the book “Sober Curious” and host of a podcast by the same name. “You’re so used to alcohol being a kind of social lubricant that allows you to relax, and that eases your social anxiety, that the thought of not having it in those situations can actually be quite terrifying.”

Reminding yourself of the benefits of not drinking — like avoiding a hangover and low mood the next day — can help reduce some of that anxiety, she said. Here’s another thing to keep in mind: According to some research, drinking might not directly help with social anxiety as much as one might think.

Ultimately, the only way to combat FOMA, Warrington said, is by ripping the Band-Aid off and doing the thing you’re anxious about anyway: “So often people realize — and I experienced this in my own life — that, actually, it’s much easier to have fun without alcohol than you thought.”

People associate alcohol with fun because of how many times the two things might have gone hand in hand, Dr. Vernig said — say, laughter-filled meals with friends. But “alcohol is not what makes it fun,” he said. “What makes it fun is being able to spend time with the people that you care about.”

Find other kinds of fun.

“Whatever your drinking preference might be, what we’re looking for is connection, joy and some amount of escape,” Parker said. “And there are many ways to spark the joy.” For example, singing — whether that’s caroling or karaoke — is known to promote social bonding, while something physical, like ice skating, can enhance your mood with no substances required.

And don’t forget about the joy you can get from sweets, Warrington said.

“This is the time of year to say, ‘Yes, I’m going to have all the dessert,’” she said. “Don’t beat yourself up if you want some more ice cream — just enjoy.”

The new year is almost here, and we’d love to know: Have you made any resolutions that have actually changed your life? Please share them with us; we may put them in an upcoming newsletter.

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Source link: https://www.nytimes.com/2023/12/08/well/live/sober-holiday-alcohol-free.html