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Dear Miss Manners: I try to be friendly and courteous when hailed or greeted by strangers, and I try to listen respectfully to their tales of days gone by. But I do begin to tire at the third or fourth iteration of the same story, and I begin to chafe at the forced camaraderie.
In one encounter, I was enjoying an adult beverage at a favorite establishment when I was hailed by a gentleman admiring both my jacket and my walking cane. Feeling flattered, I thanked him for the compliments and provided a very brief anecdote about each item. I thought he might enjoy that, be on his way and leave me to the correspondence in which I had been engaged.
Instead, I was treated to a Twice-Told Tale, and then a Thrice-and-Beyond telling of the same tale, regarding the incidents that led to his own mobility issues. I empathized and sympathized, briefly recounted my own disabling incident, thanked him once again for saying hello, and attempted to turn back to my correspondence.
This prompted yet another retelling, until I finally mumbled my thanks once again, explained that my correspondent was probably thinking I had ghosted him, and simply turned away. Might Miss Manners be able to suggest a graceful but effective way of extricating myself from a conversation that bears a closer resemblance to “The Never-ending Story?”
You met the Ancient Mariner! Miss Manners wondered what had become of him.
As you will recall from high school English — what? “The Rime of the Ancient Mariner” is no longer required reading? Is it because Mr. Coleridge was likely on opium when he wrote it? (Medical opium, of course.) Or perhaps because readers too readily identified with the Wedding Guest who is trying desperately to break away from a bore with an endlessly repeated tale?
As Miss Manners does recall, the message was tolerance of all creatures, including bores — as well as albatrosses. She is therefore pleased that you listened politely, as long as could have been reasonably expected, to someone who was both lonely and forgetful, and then provided a decent excuse to stop.
Dear Miss Manners: I am a rather tall lady, and when making new acquaintances, I am often asked if I play basketball. While I realize that people are trying to make conversation, I find it annoying and tedious to explain every time that my height has absolutely nothing to do with my athletic ability. I have never played basketball, nor am I particularly into sports in general.
It’s nearly to the point where I dread meeting new people because I know this question is inevitably going to be asked. If I’m feeling particularly annoyed, I have occasionally replied with, “No. Do you play mini golf?” I realize that while it may be a bit funny, this probably isn’t a good way to respond. How do I gracefully answer this question I can’t seem to avoid?
Although she has heard that one before, Miss Manners takes into account how many more times you have heard the stupid remark that prompted it.
Having considered the first remark to be acceptable, the offender is obliged to accept the version that mirrors it.
New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday through Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
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Source link: https://www.washingtonpost.com/advice/2023/07/31/miss-manners-strangers-repeat-stories/